Statutes of Liberty to close out Buffestalo ‘09

Veterans of Buffestalo ’08 will remember the debut gig of the Statutes of Liberty as the event in which you were all given your dicks back.

After years of sensitive-guy rock and auto-tuned commercial muzak, the S.O.L. exploded out of a haze of fireworks, smoke, and testosterone to remind party-goers of what rock and roll is supposed to look and sound like. Their energy and teachings spread quickly and ushered in a new era of independence in the U.S.A. Shortly after disseminating their gospel, voters acted on the message and removed George W. Bush from office, replacing him with Barack Obama - who is the political manifestation of the S.O.L. The weeks of hard work paid off: mission accomplished.

Now that the dirty work is done and all is right with the world, the Statutes have redefined their mission. No longer are they the visceral, muscle-car rock-makers of 2008. Squealing feedback has been replaced with soothing guitar tones. Songs of protest have been replaced with songs of joy, harmony, and peace. Join the S.O.L. at Buffestalo ’09 to love your brother and sings songs of merriment and togetherness. We will join hands and worship at the giving tree. We will take part in exercises of trust and care. We will compare hummus recipes and poncho patterns. Now that everything is fixed, we can get busy living our perfect lives, unmolested by the ugly realities of the outside world. Join us. We love you, and we love us. You love you, and we hope you can love us, too. Love, love, love. Peace, love, and garbanzos.